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Installing Bolux


Keywords Installing Bolux

How to download your copy of 'Bolux'
Why have we not updated it since May 1999?
How to 'unzip it' and install it
I find all this talk of 'unzipping' undignified
How often is it updated
How do I upgrade to a full version


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How to download your copy of 'Bolux'

 

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  1. The file is a 'zip' file, i.e. it is compressed. In it's uncompressed form it is about 1.8 Mb in size (compared to the full Website - which is around 2.7Mb). In it's 'zipped' format it is around 760Kb (just over half of a floppy disk) - this will take around 15 minutes with a 14.4 modem i.e. around 1Kb per minute.

  2. In order to download the disk, you should go onto the Internet with your copy of Netscape (or whatever) and access the Bolux sub-directory (yes it does exist) and download the latest version of the 'zipped Bolux file' onto your Computer.

  3. The version numbering system is 'bolux-[year][month].zip' The year for 1999 is '9', and the months go from 'a' (Jan/Feb) to 'f' (Nov/Dec). Hence 'bolux-9a.zip' would be the version for the first two months of 1999.

    The current version is 'bolux-9c.zip, posted onto the site on Wednesday 14th July 1999.

 

Why have we not updated it since May 1999?

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What's that? you have just looked at the calender and it says April! Well yes of course we do have a valid reason for not having upgraded Bolux since the last Century....

You have heard of the Millennium bug haven't you, well of course we aren't blaming it on that. Afterall the poor sod has so much being blamed on it that by now it must have a severe case of negative self-esteem 2 (i i as the navigators say in all the Hornblower books)

No, it initially was the fault of the pixie dust (isn't that what plutonium is) that was supposed to be scattered by the Cassini probe on its flyby past the Earth on August 18th 1999.

Our plan at the start of the 21st Century was to release Bolux 2000 - which would have been just how you were feeling on January 1st after having first been dunked in the fountain at Trafalgar Square, and then having had to walk 5 miles home when it turned out that even though the tubes were free on New Year's Eve, there really was a Millennium bug which had been living in a signal box at Neasden!

When will we be releasing it?, well we try to keep up with Industry trends for '2000' software releases, so that's a definite maybe, on it hitting that 'Window of Oppportunity' before Microsoft does.

Huh typical of Microsoft, after a long history of being unable to hit a deadline, they actually released Windows 2000 just when they said they would - on 17th February, 'Barstewards' - that means that we need to extract our digit from our posterior and start giving someone a boluxing for not getting bolux out in time !

Okey dokey we will have an updated version out just in time to catch the spring solstice (when ever that may be)

Actually we have just heard that Microsoft has gone into the Bioremediation business (embrace and extend !) - it turns out that Windows 2000 has 63,000 bugs in it. Quite whether this is connected to needing to 'decultaminate the itsy bitsy bit of code in it that was specially written by Scientologists to wind-up the Germans is another story....

Oh gosh we have just heard the news about the DoJ decision on the fate of Microsoft, and as a mark of respect to such a kind, gentle giant (upon whose shoulders that Pygmy Netscape stood) we will not release 'Bolux' until Labour Day (or Livingstone Day as the London re-badged version will be called)

 

How to 'unzip it' and install it

 

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  1. Netscape will ask you where you would like to save the 'zip' file to (it will prompt you to 'save it to disk' i.e. your hard-disk) just save it to any sub-directory, as all you are doing initially is downloading it.

  2. Once you have downloaded it onto your computer you will have to 'unzip' it. There are no viruses in the 'zipped Bolux file' (as it is just ASCII text) but if you want to be on the safe side you can run it through a virus checker.

  3. Create a sub-directory (e.g. 'Website') and transfer the 'zipped Bolux file' into it.

  4. Unzip the file, there are a variety of (un)compression software packages, the one we used was pkzip.exe / pkunzip.exe which is the grandfather of (un)compression packages. When you unzip the file you need to make sure that you keep the 'directory structure' of the sub-directories on the Website.

  5. If you want to use 'pkunzip.exe' there are copies of it on most shareware sites on the Internet (e.g. www.Tucows.com). In order to unzip 'bolux-9c.zip'and to keep the original sub-directories do the following :-

    • type pkunzip -d bolux-9c.zip don't forget the -d bit, as this puts the files into their correct sub-directories. If you forget to include the -d bit you will get all the pages in one main directory. Don't worry if you do it wrong, just try again!

    • if on unzipping you are told that there was an error whilst 'unzipping' (as Bill no doubt said to Hilary) just ignore it (like Slick Willy) and carry on as normal. If there is any 'corruption' (my how real-life imitates art !) it will be only on a couple of the pages, and you can always download those the normal way by just hitting the Internet and accessing the relavant page and saving it to your hard-disk.

  6. To load up the site just load the file called 'index.htm' into your browser, and you should get the familiar old homepage www.ContaminatedLAND.co.uk

 

I find all this talk of 'unzipping' undignified


Funny you should say that, so did Ken Starr and half of the United States Senate. Fat lot of good it did them, although it apparently was a breath-taking example of 'foot-in-the-mouth-itis' we will probably find out it was due to all that Genetically Monicafied Soya Maize etc that they consume on the wrong side of The Atlantic !

Dr Hackenbush (as always) has a different take on what it was really all about. He reckons it was a publicity stunt for the reformed Jefferson Airplane

 

How often is it updated

 

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Come on now pay attention - you were told earlier the version numbering system is 'bolux-[year][month].zip' The year for 1999 is '9', and the months go from 'a' (Jan/Feb) to 'f' (Nov/Dec). Hence 'bolux-9a.zip' is the version for the first two months of 1999.

Ergo Cogito Sum, it's updated every two months - apart from when there is a 'blue moon' - which is why it came out at the end of February (as January and March apparently are 'blue moon' months here in the UK).

So of course the next version (out the first week of May will be called 'bolux-03.zip'. Now come on its not that confusing, afterall Netscape was able to go from version 4.6 to version 6 in one bound, so why shouldn't we!

 

How do I upgrade to a full version

 

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Well until last month that would have been simple (just sending us 42) However due to massive response (3 copies sold in the last 18 months) we have had to suspend that offer until our back-office system can deal with the order backlog!

However as a special favour we are willing to post you a copy of 'bolux'. This of course will be 'zipped' and need unzipping, but at least you won't have to fiddle around with 'downloading',and generally faffing around when the server times out half way through.

For more information on this amazing offer, check out our Olde Englishe Ordere Forme (said with a 'Californian New-Age drawl)

Of course if the product (Bolux) was being marketed from the depths of Essex - we would tell you it was the k-9's doodahs!


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